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Béres András

From the Parent's Perspective (1): It Feels Great when your Kid is Passionate

Chess Personalities
As parents, we set the following order regarding chess - strictly in order of importance:
  1. This is a game - only do if you really enjoy it!
    Never forget that it really is a game. The deepest purpose of games is to bring joy.
    Continue only if it interests you deeply and gives you pleasure, even if you sometimes get tired of it

  2. If you really like it, become a Master (as in any other area of life).
    The recognition of the outside world can vary. Who sees your values can change. But once you are a master, no one can take it away from You.

  3. Becoming a Master is more important than winning the actual game or the tournament. Every failure brings you closer to becoming and remaining a master - if you never give up.

    And one more rule - which applies to parents:
    It is important that when we play, we really play - don't let the child win. Let's give some kind of advantage, like in "go", some figure advantage. But don't trick him, don't let them win, really play and if they lose, teach them how to deal with the pain of failure.
    If and when the time comes (and it may come amazingly very soon!), one of the greatest joys is when your child actually beats you at chess - or at anything.

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    Appendix
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    Regarding the order of points Number (1), (2) and (3):
    The order is strictly important, without compromise. Perhaps it can be understood from the above that point Number (3) can never be more important than point Number (2). But equally important is that also point Number (2) cannot be more important than point Number (1)!! If (3) becomes more important than (2), or (2) becomes more important than (1): stop playing!! stop chess!! and find something else, something that you truly feel passionate about, honestly, unfailingly passionate, and even in spite of temporary or maybe serious failures.
    To find what one is passionate about: yourself, your child... this is one of the real tasks in life, as a person and as a parent. The parent who prioritizes his child's victory over everything else should ask himself: have I done everything to realize my own dream, my own goal? Only if I have done everything for this, do I have the right to seek and encourage my child to do the same.

    Regarding point Number (1):
    The "Queen"s Gambit" series ends on an important, sensitive note. The series does not end on the result of the final competition. It goes farther. Deeper. After the final duel, and regardless of its outcome (no wish to do a spoiler here!), the chess player woman, dressed in a snow-white winter dress and hat as if she had almost become a chess piece (the Queen) herself, goes out to the park and stops in the cold to play chess with the ordinary people, the anonymous people, those who go out everyday to keep the tradition alive, and without any spectacle continue to play. This is the ultimate meaning of chess: not who is ranked highest - but that two people play with each other and enjoy it. And this can be done by two beginners too. And if they both enjoy it and help each other improve themselves - if this ultimate meaning of chess is realized-, then their game is more real chess than if two players with much higher scores compete while dispassionately focusing on how to destroy each other, just to gain ranks or points.
    Regardless of age and experience, deep chess is about enjoying the continuous process of growth, together with the person from who you can learn how to grow.