Fulling chess obsession while being chronically ill with severe Me/Cfs

Since studying chess “properly” is not an option without triggering PEM, I had to improvise. Below is a list of methods I use to stay engaged with chess while operating at approximately 3% mental capacity.

• Holding chess pieces in my hand while lying in a dark room, as if physical proximity will improve my rating
• Slowly going through all squares in my head (a1 to a8, b1 to b8, etc.), sometimes losing track around c4 and having to restart like a broken program
• Looking at pictures of chess sets online
• Reading chess webcomics
• Watching short chess videos and immediately forgetting the content, but retaining the feeling of having learned something
• Playing against bots online and taking a break every few moves, turning a 10-minute game into a multi-hour event
• Opening a chess analysis board, staring at it, then closing it because that was already too much
• Occasionally crying about not being able to study chess the way I want to, which is technically also time spent on chess

This is not efficient, structured, or impressive. But it is sustainable, and for now that matters more. If nothing else, I am maintaining the obsession, which seems to be doing fine without any help from me. If you also deal with chronic illness or brain fog, how do you stay connected to chess?

(Large parts of this post were processed with AI. The initial draft was an impressive collection of loosely connected, brain fog–induced word salads. The thoughts are mine, but the readable structure mostly is not.)