The epidemic of ambition

With the meteoric rise of chess and it's entry into the mainstream world, there has been an influx of players into the game of chess both casually and professionally. We will be speaking in this post more on the professional and semi professional side of the game. With this rise of chess there has also been the entry of an epidemic that has plagued other sports for a long time but perhaps did not have as far an impact on the chess scene. And that is the epidemic of ambition. Or more specifically, the ambition of parents.

Despite the various issues discussed on this platform, this is very rarely addressed and it's impact happens on a household basis. Take for example this posts image (merely for imaginative purposes). We have all come across a kid like this at some tournament or the other, a super adorable child who loses a difficult game or important one and has a complete breakdown in public that you cannot do anything about. But it is the root of this pain that is important to understand. Is it the passion for the game and the pain of the loss or the fear of going back and disappointing their parents and facing the consequences.

My inspiration for this post happened when I was playing a small local blitz tournament with prizes for the top 5. I ended up playing this young kid in an important game for a prize and ended up losing that game in a winning position. ( I had an awful tournament anyway) After the game when I told my friend I lost he told me it's ok that kid had to win. I said even I needed to win for the prize right? He said no that boy needed to win otherwise his mother would pull his ear very hard and shout at him very loudly in public in front of everyone else and that it had happened before as well. This deeply saddened me. The realm of putting pressure on a child to perform typically stayed in the field of academics but in the past 50 years there has been a shift with the popularity of sports stars. Every parent is convinced that their child is the next big thing in the respective sport and are willing to go to any lengths to make it happen often without even asking their child if they even like the sport.

It is very important for parents to introspect and examine the reason for which they want to send their child into the sport and acknowledge the fact that this urge could be due to unfulfilled dreams of their respective youth which they are trying to cover up with the fact that sports can be positive for the child's physical and mental growth. If parents do not do this or do it too late, then they will have already spent considerable time and money in trying to create a wonder child and the experience has turned sour for both parties involved. This will have deep impact on both the mental state and just overall performance and growth of the child if they are feeling the pressure to perform, they will feel like they are forced to participate and this can turn them dispirited or even resentful towards the game and this is the worst outcome. No child should ever be lead to hate the game they once loved and cherished.

Here are a few suggestions for parents who want to get their child into chess:

• See if they actually like the game. Teach them the game, try to make it enjoyable for them. See if it suits their personality and interests and then ask them if they want to learn more.
• Be supportive and not critical. If you have put your child into a professional atmosphere you have likely got them a coach. Leave the criticizing of the game to them. All you have to do is the let the child know that you are there for them when you need them. Don't compare them to others.
• Focus on the process, not the outcome. Help your child learn to enjoy the journey of the game ( because it is in fact a a game and not life or death) and not the outcome.
• BE PATIENT. I write this last part in caps because it needs to be understood. Every chess plyer will lose and it is important to let your child lose so they can learn to be better. The results will come. There is still time.

At this point it is worth mentioning that I am 20 years old and don't know the first thing about parenting. But I do have a deep passion for the game which I nurtured myself ( none of my family likes chess) and it pains me to see this passion lost on the upcoming generation of chess players. It's still a game not a job, yet. Mostly I hope with this post I am able to stir more conversation among parents who are more relevant in this discussion.

P.S- I do provide chess coaching at affordable prices. Those interested can DM me here on lichess .