The "What am I doing ??" effect.

This weekend, from March 28th to 30th, I played a chess tournament called the "Reti Amateur Open."
The organization was excellent, the playing hall was decent, and overall, the atmosphere was both pleasant and truly majestic.
From a chess perspective, the level was solid, with some players nearing a 2100 rating—a good tournament overall.

My main issue, however, was being the only titled player. Even though I shouldn't let it affect me, it inevitably did.

I am fully aware of what happens when all the players recognize your title, experience, and background.
I've seen it happen to my titled friends, and I’ve personally experienced the effects of overpreparation before a tournament even begins. There’s nothing surprising or unbelievable about it.
I finished with 3/5, with two draws and one loss—results that left me utterly flabbergasted.

My chess level was inconsistent, incoherent, and simply weak. I didn’t calculate, I didn’t care, and I outright refused to play with real intent.
My opening preparation was lacking—I had prepared nothing and played random lines, assuming my opponents wouldn't care or that it wouldn’t matter.
But drawing with the white pieces is never a good outcome, especially when you have a strong opening repertoire and the drive to win.
That drive, in this case, was the prize money.
Somehow, I lost my money and needed a prize to fuel up and make it back home.

To summarize, I felt like an absolute moron for playing chess when, deep down, I no longer enjoy the game.
I don’t feel the urge to train as I used to, and right now, I can’t seem to set personal goals anymore.
My focus has shifted—I'm more invested in the progress of my students and friends than in my own.

The lesson?
Prepare properly for a chess tournament—both technically and practically—and you’ll find yourself in control of the moves you play.

Thank you,
Loris