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Fear Factor

I often beat the hell out of myself when I lose a game I could have (or "should have") won. Sometimes, I feel like a failure even when a game ends in a draw--either due to missing a winning move or another error. I am gradually working on changing my thinking from "I am a loser" to "I lost a game; so be it." I try to keep in mind that the other player is playing to win and winning shouldn't be too easy. I also try to keep in mind that the other player is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated as such. Maybe I beat myself up because of some deep-seated hatred for people who outplay me in chess. This serves nothing. If I want to improve my game, I need to play better players and accept the losses as lessons. If I treat other people with the respect they deserve, even if the respect is not immediately reciprocated, I might treat myself better in the long run.

I had hired a National Master in chess a few years ago (he lives about halfway across the country and does a nice job teaching lessons over Zoom). I am taking a break from the lessons for a while--I want to return to the local chess club and play people over the board. I still have some books he had recommended. I need to start focusing again if I want to truly improve my game. My dream is to improve my playing strength such that I might teach lessons or work for a chess club. I want to give something back in a small way...

I don't know what my true strength in chess is, because I have such a low rating in the USCF...it is below 1200 in normal (classical I suppose) games, but my rating on here is somewhere close to 1600 for classical.

Well, I have rambled on enough...thanks for sharing your blog. I hope you meet your goals and set new ones once the previous ones have been met.

I often beat the hell out of myself when I lose a game I could have (or "should have") won. Sometimes, I feel like a failure even when a game ends in a draw--either due to missing a winning move or another error. I am gradually working on changing my thinking from "I am a loser" to "I lost a game; so be it." I try to keep in mind that the other player is playing to win and winning shouldn't be too easy. I also try to keep in mind that the other player is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated as such. Maybe I beat myself up because of some deep-seated hatred for people who outplay me in chess. This serves nothing. If I want to improve my game, I need to play better players and accept the losses as lessons. If I treat other people with the respect they deserve, even if the respect is not immediately reciprocated, I might treat myself better in the long run. I had hired a National Master in chess a few years ago (he lives about halfway across the country and does a nice job teaching lessons over Zoom). I am taking a break from the lessons for a while--I want to return to the local chess club and play people over the board. I still have some books he had recommended. I need to start focusing again if I want to truly improve my game. My dream is to improve my playing strength such that I might teach lessons or work for a chess club. I want to give something back in a small way... I don't know what my true strength in chess is, because I have such a low rating in the USCF...it is below 1200 in normal (classical I suppose) games, but my rating on here is somewhere close to 1600 for classical. Well, I have rambled on enough...thanks for sharing your blog. I hope you meet your goals and set new ones once the previous ones have been met.

@DoomedBishop said in #2:

I often beat the hell out of myself when I lose a game I could have (or "should have") won. Sometimes, I feel like a failure even when a game ends in a draw--either due to missing a winning move or another error. I am gradually working on changing my thinking from "I am a loser" to "I lost a game; so be it." I try to keep in mind that the other player is playing to win and winning shouldn't be too easy. I also try to keep in mind that the other player is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated as such. Maybe I beat myself up because of some deep-seated hatred for people who outplay me in chess. This serves nothing. If I want to improve my game, I need to play better players and accept the losses as lessons. If I treat other people with the respect they deserve, even if the respect is not immediately reciprocated, I might treat myself better in the long run.

I had hired a National Master in chess a few years ago (he lives about halfway across the country and does a nice job teaching lessons over Zoom). I am taking a break from the lessons for a while--I want to return to the local chess club and play people over the board. I still have some books he had recommended. I need to start focusing again if I want to truly improve my game. My dream is to improve my playing strength such that I might teach lessons or work for a chess club. I want to give something back in a small way...

I don't know what my true strength in chess is, because I have such a low rating in the USCF...it is below 1200 in normal (classical I suppose) games, but my rating on here is somewhere close to 1600 for classical.

Well, I have rambled on enough...thanks for sharing your blog. I hope you meet your goals and set new ones once the previous ones have been met.

Hey! Thank you for your personal story! I think it will help other people to know that they are not alone in their feelings. Chess can be a very emotional game. I am learning a lot about myself and my patience level and how to encourage myself when I feel "doomed" too. ;-)

I have to be brave and just keep trying. I hope you will too!
Have a great day!

@DoomedBishop said in #2: > I often beat the hell out of myself when I lose a game I could have (or "should have") won. Sometimes, I feel like a failure even when a game ends in a draw--either due to missing a winning move or another error. I am gradually working on changing my thinking from "I am a loser" to "I lost a game; so be it." I try to keep in mind that the other player is playing to win and winning shouldn't be too easy. I also try to keep in mind that the other player is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated as such. Maybe I beat myself up because of some deep-seated hatred for people who outplay me in chess. This serves nothing. If I want to improve my game, I need to play better players and accept the losses as lessons. If I treat other people with the respect they deserve, even if the respect is not immediately reciprocated, I might treat myself better in the long run. > > I had hired a National Master in chess a few years ago (he lives about halfway across the country and does a nice job teaching lessons over Zoom). I am taking a break from the lessons for a while--I want to return to the local chess club and play people over the board. I still have some books he had recommended. I need to start focusing again if I want to truly improve my game. My dream is to improve my playing strength such that I might teach lessons or work for a chess club. I want to give something back in a small way... > > I don't know what my true strength in chess is, because I have such a low rating in the USCF...it is below 1200 in normal (classical I suppose) games, but my rating on here is somewhere close to 1600 for classical. > > Well, I have rambled on enough...thanks for sharing your blog. I hope you meet your goals and set new ones once the previous ones have been met. Hey! Thank you for your personal story! I think it will help other people to know that they are not alone in their feelings. Chess can be a very emotional game. I am learning a lot about myself and my patience level and how to encourage myself when I feel "doomed" too. ;-) I have to be brave and just keep trying. I hope you will too! Have a great day!
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@BodMar said in #4:

Personally, I've never worried about rating drops a lot.

  1. Performance goes up and down, and that is completely normal. That applies to both OTB and online chess.
  2. I don't play for rating. Play to play, to learn and to have fun. Not for the number.
  3. Why worry about the number now when I know I am getting better?
  4. Exact rating doesn't mean a lot. Consider everyone in a range of 150 points around your rating equally strong to you.
  5. No one's gonna care if you have 1500 or 1400 rating anyway, just have fun:D

Thanks for writing... Of course you are correct. That was the point of my blog. Your list is how things should be in chess, but unfortunately, I fell into the "rating trap." Writing about it helped release me from being stuck there. ;-)

Glad you are enjoying the game. Appreciate the feedback!

@BodMar said in #4: > Personally, I've never worried about rating drops a lot. > > 1. Performance goes up and down, and that is completely normal. That applies to both OTB and online chess. > 2. I don't play for rating. Play to play, to learn and to have fun. Not for the number. > 3. Why worry about the number now when I know I am getting better? > 4. Exact rating doesn't mean a lot. Consider everyone in a range of 150 points around your rating equally strong to you. > 5. No one's gonna care if you have 1500 or 1400 rating anyway, just have fun:D Thanks for writing... Of course you are correct. That was the point of my blog. Your list is how things should be in chess, but unfortunately, I fell into the "rating trap." Writing about it helped release me from being stuck there. ;-) Glad you are enjoying the game. Appreciate the feedback!

Hello! It happened to me before, a long time ago and today I am happy to tell you that it is gone. I think you won't like my method because it's brutal: play a lot, everywhere and especially in tournaments. and thinking that losing is a good thing like winning. a rating is a number, you must detach yourself from this number, if you managed to reach this level 1600 it does not matter if you go down, because you are able to come back and even do better! think about quality as a priority and be happy to enjoy the moment and that the result is only a result that is not representative of all your qualities! this is the motivation I often talk about in my blogs! no matter what bad people tell you, be even more mad on the chessboard by showing that you dare to be you, that you dare to play with pleasure and quality and that no one will influence you in a negative way! don't be afraid to lose points, it will slow you down and you will lose fun, tell yourself - my value on the chessboard is able to go up to 1600, I am not afraid to go down if I can come back at that or better -

Hello! It happened to me before, a long time ago and today I am happy to tell you that it is gone. I think you won't like my method because it's brutal: play a lot, everywhere and especially in tournaments. and thinking that losing is a good thing like winning. a rating is a number, you must detach yourself from this number, if you managed to reach this level 1600 it does not matter if you go down, because you are able to come back and even do better! think about quality as a priority and be happy to enjoy the moment and that the result is only a result that is not representative of all your qualities! this is the motivation I often talk about in my blogs! no matter what bad people tell you, be even more mad on the chessboard by showing that you dare to be you, that you dare to play with pleasure and quality and that no one will influence you in a negative way! don't be afraid to lose points, it will slow you down and you will lose fun, tell yourself - my value on the chessboard is able to go up to 1600, I am not afraid to go down if I can come back at that or better -

@CSKA_Moscou said in #6:

Hello! It happened to me before, a long time ago and today I am happy to tell you that it is gone. I think you won't like my method because it's brutal: play a lot, everywhere and especially in tournaments. and thinking that losing is a good thing like winning. a rating is a number, you must detach yourself from this number, if you managed to reach this level 1600 it does not matter if you go down, because you are able to come back and even do better! think about quality as a priority and be happy to enjoy the moment and that the result is only a result that is not representative of all your qualities! this is the motivation I often talk about in my blogs! no matter what bad people tell you, be even more mad on the chessboard by showing that you dare to be you, that you dare to play with pleasure and quality and that no one will influence you in a negative way! don't be afraid to lose points, it will slow you down and you will lose fun, tell yourself - my value on the chessboard is able to go up to 1600, I am not afraid to go down if I can come back at that or better -

Thanks for sharing your thoughts... I think my thoughts about rating first started when I got made fun of in a chess club for being the lowest rated. Unfortunately, it is a very common question so I often face my weakness.

@CSKA_Moscou said in #6: > Hello! It happened to me before, a long time ago and today I am happy to tell you that it is gone. I think you won't like my method because it's brutal: play a lot, everywhere and especially in tournaments. and thinking that losing is a good thing like winning. a rating is a number, you must detach yourself from this number, if you managed to reach this level 1600 it does not matter if you go down, because you are able to come back and even do better! think about quality as a priority and be happy to enjoy the moment and that the result is only a result that is not representative of all your qualities! this is the motivation I often talk about in my blogs! no matter what bad people tell you, be even more mad on the chessboard by showing that you dare to be you, that you dare to play with pleasure and quality and that no one will influence you in a negative way! don't be afraid to lose points, it will slow you down and you will lose fun, tell yourself - my value on the chessboard is able to go up to 1600, I am not afraid to go down if I can come back at that or better - Thanks for sharing your thoughts... I think my thoughts about rating first started when I got made fun of in a chess club for being the lowest rated. Unfortunately, it is a very common question so I often face my weakness.

Unfortunately, this problem is relevant for all ratings. For me, this fear was in offline chess (I play online only for fun) when I reached 2000 in rapid chess, and then I was afraid to play for a year. Of course i lost my skills. It's amazing that you, with a rating of 1600, described the problem so accurately. But I think that just as I look at your 1600, 2700 look at my rating, and do not understand how you can be afraid to play with such a low rating :) There will always be a stronger one for the strong, so when they laugh at you for your rating, I think that before that they were laughed at for their rating. I advise you to just play for fun.

Unfortunately, this problem is relevant for all ratings. For me, this fear was in offline chess (I play online only for fun) when I reached 2000 in rapid chess, and then I was afraid to play for a year. Of course i lost my skills. It's amazing that you, with a rating of 1600, described the problem so accurately. But I think that just as I look at your 1600, 2700 look at my rating, and do not understand how you can be afraid to play with such a low rating :) There will always be a stronger one for the strong, so when they laugh at you for your rating, I think that before that they were laughed at for their rating. I advise you to just play for fun.

@CergC said in #8:

Unfortunately, this problem is relevant for all ratings. For me, this fear was in offline chess (I play online only for fun) when I reached 2000 in rapid chess, and then I was afraid to play for a year. Of course i lost my skills. It's amazing that you, with a rating of 1600, described the problem so accurately. But I think that just as I look at your 1600, 2700 look at my rating, and do not understand how you can be afraid to play with such a low rating :) There will always be a stronger one for the strong, so when they laugh at you for your rating, I think that before that they were laughed at for their rating. I advise you to just play for fun.

When I write my blog posts, I try to pay attention to things that I think about and things I see with other players so that what I write is relevant. I know at my low rating that I do not have tips and strategies to share with other players to help them improve their games at the top level, but I see a lot of other aspects of the game that I like to share with people. There is definitely an emotional component to chess of course. I think if people start to pay attention to some of these " side line" factors that impact their games, improvements can be made too. I allow myself to be pretty open and vulnerable about my inner dialogue that hinders my progress and I do so to try to help others (with much greater potential in chess) to catch these hinderances and do better in areas where I struggle.... ;-) It is just my heart as a teacher... I like to inspire others to succeed.

I am glad my writing resonated with you! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I am definitely working on my weaknesses. Writing about my struggles is often my first step towards correcting my mistakes. :-)

Have an awesome day!

@CergC said in #8: > Unfortunately, this problem is relevant for all ratings. For me, this fear was in offline chess (I play online only for fun) when I reached 2000 in rapid chess, and then I was afraid to play for a year. Of course i lost my skills. It's amazing that you, with a rating of 1600, described the problem so accurately. But I think that just as I look at your 1600, 2700 look at my rating, and do not understand how you can be afraid to play with such a low rating :) There will always be a stronger one for the strong, so when they laugh at you for your rating, I think that before that they were laughed at for their rating. I advise you to just play for fun. When I write my blog posts, I try to pay attention to things that I think about and things I see with other players so that what I write is relevant. I know at my low rating that I do not have tips and strategies to share with other players to help them improve their games at the top level, but I see a lot of other aspects of the game that I like to share with people. There is definitely an emotional component to chess of course. I think if people start to pay attention to some of these " side line" factors that impact their games, improvements can be made too. I allow myself to be pretty open and vulnerable about my inner dialogue that hinders my progress and I do so to try to help others (with much greater potential in chess) to catch these hinderances and do better in areas where I struggle.... ;-) It is just my heart as a teacher... I like to inspire others to succeed. I am glad my writing resonated with you! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I am definitely working on my weaknesses. Writing about my struggles is often my first step towards correcting my mistakes. :-) Have an awesome day!