If you and your goal cant be met keep trying but if it gets to the point where it doesn't matter to you anymore don't do it its just pushing you to do it
In chess either you win or you learn. You lose only if you quit. You do not seem me a loser. Choose your repertoire,follow your method and your rules. Will you become NM?Will you become IM? Time only knows. But really,do not quit from chess.
I respect your decision, good luck in your life :) Maybe you comeback one day stronger and get that damn rating, who knows?
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