Learn chess from YouTube videos or books?

@Mindgames2026 said ^

The personal experience that I want to relate is from trying to negotiate with title name xy.

I don't think it makes sense to mention specific trainers here. The only person I found with this name doesn't have the title you mentioned, so I guess you spelled the name wrong anyway, please don't correct it.

@Mindgames2026 said ^

We only got as far as agreeing that I need a live human to help analyze my games because I am 100% against using Stockfish or any form of AI or chess engine for that purpose. But she wanted to get started with me without first asking more difficult questions that I was not having an easy time zeroing in on, like more specific goals and what kind of coaching style would be a fit for me as a neurodivergent.

I called her out on that because it gave me a reason to believe that she wanted my wallet first and would figure out if I was a fit for her later, which is an automatic deal breaker because of my belief that the coach has to choose you as much as you choose them. That ended the negotiations on the spot.

With me people get exactly one chance to prove that I can trust them. That means they personally invite me to a get-to-know and be ready to pick my brain, which will let me lower my guard and ask what I need to ask. Blow it, and I will see to it that you never want to talk to me again.

I understand that from your perspective, you had a bad experience negotiating. But in the end, you have already recognized the benefit of a coach yourself, so that point is settled.

The problem with online coaching is the number of anonymous people who are not serious. It makes sense to offer some kind of short trial session at a lower price, in which you discuss the things you want to work on. Even if you do not continue with this coach, you still receive individual advice from an expert, even if it is just to find a better training opportunity for you. If you want a free trial session to sort out the situation, you should do that in real life. Absolutely no problem for most chess coaches. But online coaching with potential students whom you know nothing about is a different situation.

Therefore, having a first session as quickly as possible is just one way to filter out people who aren't seriously looking to book a coach anyway. I also have to add that female coaches sometimes have "fans" who just want to chat with them and never planed to hire them as coach. So I can understand why female coaches are even more cautious.

But before you continue: you mentioned someone by their full name above. I'm writing here with an account that shows my real name. In the meantime, you're writing with a disposable account that only has 8 games. I hope that you recognize the problem. I wish you all the best in finding a coach.

@Kemith2013 said ^

Quick Tip when getting a coach -
Group classes are very bad.
Just do individual.

Group classes are fine if you have several in-person courses at a club where you know everyone and can put together a good mix of people for each class. With online courses, there is the risk that it might be a live course, but you sit anonymously among the participants and just consume it. Then we're back to the problem we already had with YouTube. For some, it works great; for others, it doesn't.

@DerReelle said ^

Quick Tip when getting a coach -
Group classes are very bad.
Just do individual.

Group classes are fine if you have several in-person courses at a club where you know everyone and can put together a good mix of people for each class. With online courses, there is the risk that it might be a live course, but you sit anonymously among the participants and just consume it. Then we're back to the problem we already had with YouTube. For some, it works great; for others, it doesn't.

Agreed

@Mindgames2026 I remember our brief interaction. To clarify: it's entirely my choice whether I offer trial lessons or not, and I have a process that works well for me and for the students I coach. The way I run my coaching business is my decision, just as you have the right to look for whatever approach fits you best.

It seems our expectations simply didn't match, and that's okay. I hope you've found someone who's a better fit for what you're looking for.

As for the idea that I wanted your wallet. I once coached a student for over six months before realizing I had forgotten to send any invoices at all. His mother had to ask me how much they owed. That's how much I care about money.

@Rogue_Berserker said ^

What do you think is the best way to improve, books or YouTube videos?

I would say, try both, spend one day with books, and the following day, watch good games from different positions just like this one. This channel has a variety of games
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEhN6I-OnxM

@jovana51796 The damage is done on that one, Jovana. Violating the first rule of coaching -- which is never to give a prospective student the impression that you'll take anyone -- is an immediate disqualification. And no, I did not find a suitable coach and it's no longer on the table because it became more stress than it was worth, among other factors.

You would do well to read this article because it will give you a good idea of how and where you screwed up. That is all. (And if you can't deal with that, block me. I won't miss you.)

https://chessmood.com/blog/find-the-right-chess-coach-guide

@DerReelle I have zero guilt over what my actions because I'll never forgive her for helping to trigger a meltdown that made me walk away from Lichess for a significant period of time, deleting my account in the process. Only recently did I decide to try again with a new account (hence only 8 games), and this time it's with the understanding that looking for a coach is off the table because I know the coach isn't going to do their homework to extensively interview me first, which I consider part of their homework.

Setting up a couple of lessons at a lower rate still sends the message that the coach will take anyone, when having an extensive interview first before arranging ANY lesson sends the message that the coach actually chooses their students and will tell the ones (s)he believes are bad fits to go somewhere else. If after the interview the coach still wants to try a session or two, then and only then is it okay to weed out like that. Before that point, it's a bad look on the coach to arrange a lesson without doing their end of their homework and holding an interview first, because some of us won't ask what we need to without being given a reason to drop our guard first.

It's called acting like a professional. You should try it.

I also don't think you took into account that it's possible that as a male I wanted a female coach because experience has taught me women are better listeners. It has nothing to do with being a fan of the coach.

@jovana51796 said ^

wanted your wallet ...

Even if you did coaching primarily to earn money, there would be nothing wrong with that.

Should a trial lesson be free, come with a discount or have normal price? Normal price would be fine if you ask me, because the coach must get paid for the time being used anyway. Do you ask for a free test drive before you pay for a taxi? Are you worried that the taxi driver just wants your money? Would you ask a dentist for a free treatment before you become a patient?

@Mindgames2026 said ^

having an extensive interview first

I don't know if you are on a small budget or if you think that money doesn't matter. If you think the money doesn't matter, perhaps suggesting to begin by paying for an extensive interview could be an idea. I don't think coaches are used to have such an interview first. It seems to me that you might not understand each other so easily, I mean, that you have different ways of thinking about how coaching should begin. If you are on a small budget, you may tell the coach that and ask the coach if an unpaid interview is fine and explain that such an interview must take some time in your case.

@Rogue_Berserker said ^

wanted your wallet ...

Even if you did coaching primarily to earn money, there would be nothing wrong with that.

Should a trial lesson be free, come with a discount or have normal price? Normal price would be fine if you ask me, because the coach must get paid for the time being used anyway. Do you ask for a free test drive before you pay for a taxi? Are you worried that the taxi driver just wants your money? Would you ask a dentist for a free treatment before you become a patient?

I agree. Coaching is a service, and the time and expertise involved deserve to be valued just like in any other profession. Some coaches offer trial lessons, some don't, and both approaches are valid. I choose the structure that works best for me. I don't offer trials because it helps me focus on students who are serious and ready to invest in their improvement.