3/17:
No toilet paper at grocery store today. Also out of paper towels, but napkins are plentiful. As is soap.
Additionally, my local office supply store has suffered a run on its inventory of printers. Not sure why.
There was a nincompoop outside throwing a football to his drunk nincompoop friend. He hit my window 8 times with the football. Successfully convinced him to desist by offering to not pelt him with office supplies and those little soap packets for dishwashers.
Taco Bell is still open, thus proving that there is a god.
My county just won the title of most coronavirus in the state. Great job, guys!
Tomorrow, I plan on hiding in my apartment, occasionally popping my head out like a gopher to check if my mailbox has been disturbed.
If the virus is still around next week, I'm just gonna lick a sick person to develop immunity, quarantine myself for a bit, and try to establish a new world order, led by those of us who aren't buying excessive amounts of toilet paper or throwing footballs with their drunk nincompoop friends.
3/18, just after midnight:
Nincompoop is back and caterwauling "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry. Aforementioned nincompoop does not even live in the area-- not sure why he chose it as his caterwauling venue. This is the real problem with universities closing.
I knew I should have bought a shillelagh before moving here.
Pelted nincompoop with Tide detergent. Discovered a new love for Alabama football as a result.
Wrote piano scores for "Dream of Mirrors" and "Where the Wild Wind Blows," both by Iron Maiden.
Began brainstorming a business plan for a service where I charge people for me telling them why they are stupid. Started out as a mental exercise, but then I began to think it could actually be pretty profitable. I call a lot of people stupid. Like Mr. Football Nincompoop.
Still no toilet paper at store. Which begs the question: why didn't we all invest in toilet paper futures when we heard about the virus?
Fantasized about eating a bagel. Of course, since restaurants are closed, I can't actually eat a bagel, but it would have been delicious. Tommorow, I hope to fantasize about eating a pancake.
Completed reading the posthumus works of Thomas DeQuincey. And then finished them for him.
Edited As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner in the following manner:
Original: "My mother is a fish."
clousems edition: "My mother is a fish!"
its a subtle difference i realize but i feel that vardamans statement deserves new punctuation for the impact on literature clousems mused ironically the concluding sentence that he wrote describing this was not in reference to faulkner but to another author also known for his stream of consciousness style and for being a difficult read of course the author is james joyce the man who wrote finnegans wake and ulysses a book which drew inspiration for the name of the title character for the roman name of the ithacan protagonist of the odyssey odysseus he also appeared as a relatively minor character in the illiad but he took a back seat to other achean heroes not just achilles but also ajax diomedes menelaus and agamemmnon as clousems wrote he realized how hard it is to write in this type of style and developed a newfound appreciation of stream of consciousness although he still maintains that the style as a whole is overrated from a literary perspective for example to the lighthouse was not a profound literary achievement despite the fact that it is held in high regard in this way it is similar to the awakening by kate chopin a book about a woman who like the book itself is incredibly dated (thats a pun) while i bear no ill will towards kate chopin she being a fantastic author of short prose i feel as though here most iconic work is lacking in a number of regards.
@clousems
i see you also edited james joyce you added a full-stop which you call a period after the word regards the literary world is reeling at such audacity letters will no doubt be written to the times
ialsocontemplatedaddingasemicolonafterthewordperspectivebutidecidedagainstit
Hang in there buddy...
I have two rolls of TP to last me two weeks. Every store and its neighbor is sold out in my area too.
You're lucky...I have 1 Kleenex
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