Best joke contest!

@lq2 said ^

Why did the king go to therapy?
He felt completely trapped, his life was moving entirely one square at a time, and he hadn't made a single independent decision without his queen yelling at him since 1850.

Did his queen die in 1850?

Hmm, not sure, probably not ._.

I mean that in1850 when he made an independent decision w...

T-T, Bro it's just a jokeeee..... why make things complicateddd T-T

Two slices of beef travel trough the air. One slice warns the other: Watch out! A helicoptartartartar...
(I admit the joke is better in German about cucumbers being sliced, and not only because it is vegan.)

I was buying groceries. I dude came up and slapped me for no reason. He said he slapped me because of civilization. I got into a fistfight with him. All the visitors at the market watched, then joined in. We were all fighting, when the police came in and stopped us. All of us were walking when suddenly we no clipped into the backrooms. After 12 years, I was the only one with a stable mind. I went to level 3999. The tasks were:

Do 50 pushups within one minute without stopping.
Go to level 666 and perform the mountain king ritual.
Complete level !
Drown in level 7

I completed all of these easily due to my superior physicality and mental power.

I walked out of the door, and woke up in reality.

That is, I was in a mass escape shuttle group 100 light years away.

I looked back and saw the solar system exploding.

I realized that I had somehow spent vastly more than a hundred years in the backrooms.

One night Sherlock Holmes and Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Then, in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what do you deduce from that?" Holmes asked. Watson replied, "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life. I can also see that there are no clouds, so tomorrow will probably be a sunny day. And...." At which point Holmes interrupted him and said, "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

@League-team-admin said ^

We are starting a best joke competition. (please don’t use the Internet.) I know I just started a thread on the best jokes, but this one is a competition. The competition will go on for three days in at the end the judges will vote on their favorite joke.Contact me if you want to be a judge in the competition. (only five judges allowed.)

Let the jokes begin...

I am the joke

Why were Helen Keller's fingers purple?
Because she heard it through the grapevine.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a duck.
(Down feathers are the light, fluffy undercoating found beneath the tougher outer feathers of waterfowl like ducks and geese.)

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
The food was great, but it had no atmosphere.

Why don't photons have mass? Because if they did, then sunbathing would make us fat.

@Quasar3C273 said ^

One night Sherlock Holmes and Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Then, in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what do you deduce from that?" Holmes asked. Watson replied, "Well, if there are millions of stars, a...

That’s my favorite so far...

@lq2 it's since, meaning it started at 1845 or wtv year they put (to lazy to check)

@C_H_A_M_P said ^

How about this one?

The rook joined a self-improvement class.
Lesson 1: “Stay on the straight and narrow.”
Rook: “Already mastered it.”

Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.

P.S. Is this supposed to be chess related or not?

It doesn’t really matter

Thanks!