Is it normal to be shouted at by parents after losing at chess?

@Himawari_Nohara said ^

They dont realize that i spend these nights greiving silently while they think i am sleeping. I today was also told that i dont sleep even after tries because i am tensed by tournament and have no motivation.

They dont know that i am not able to sleep at night because i have a dream which i feel is coming closer with each game... the cm title. I feel i am very close to it.

After countless shou...

I really can't imagine what it's like for you since you actually have prospects and are so passionate.. damn maybe the potential and love was stamped out of me, maybe I'm exaggerating too much and I wasn't sincere with my efforts those nights when I used to play chess till 4am, who knows..
but really, if it feels like your parents are like hindering a lot and I get that, this will sound really stupid cuz you wanna become a CM but.. why not try later on in life when your parents don't need to be there?

Confessing this in front of them is 'coward' so i am here sharing grief with strangers on a lichess forum...

I won't comment on anybody's parents. Nearly all parents tend to "mean well" and care for their kids.

But I know this: a growth mindset often produces more growth than a results mindset.

What do I mean? We can all control how much and how well we study. But we cannot control the result of every game. It takes two to tango, so to speak. And at high level (which you apparently already are), even an invisible oversight can change a result.

So, in my humble opinion, being desperately unsettled by a loss would seem, to me at least, to be counterproductive. Losses happen. And sometimes wins are a bit lucky. Indeed, the ability NOT to get rattled by a loss would seem to me to be a good mental quality to cultivate.

In the long run, if we keep trying and don't get too caught up in results, we tend to progress.

Losing at chess is not a sign of failure. It happens. Name a great chess player who has never lost. I cannot.

Your rating here is already VERY impressive. If I had your rating, I'd be strutting about and insisting that the spaniel call me "Big Daddy." Of course, that would be admittedly futile, since spaniels can't actually, you know, talk.

Who on the earth cares about tournaments points this much... wtf

I feel you bro

@Himawari_Nohara

Can we talk in dms about this?

umm... i'd try to get out of there as soon as possible...

@Himawari_Nohara said ^

My blunders are stamped on a wall as 'illness'. Talked about for weeks.

this is incomprehensible! you are bearing a high stress level that no one should have to endure.

question-was it your choice to play chess or did your parents introduce you to it because they saw you would be great at it?

i mean, with treatment like this, such as a wall of shame, i would say i no longer want to compete because it’s causing unbearable pressure in my life. i would be disgusted with the way i’m being treated and want to defend my humanity. because it’s inhuman to treat another person like they are treating you and you want it to stop.

i see what they’re doing here. they’re trying to instill fear and shame to make you perform better. after all, if you perform better, they’ll have no reason to yell and scream. no person should be treated this way.

i would just play casually and the hell with this noise. somehow, i think it won’t be that easy for you to get out of it. which brings me to point number two, below.

@Himawari_Nohara said ^

I am a 2000-2100 rated chess player and i know what i am mistaking.

@SolangeloForever said ^

I do hope they're not like abusive in non-verbal ways,

Unfortunately, sometimes......

this crosses the line. you should mention this to a teacher or counselor in your school because this should not be happening. in the u.s. they would straighten the parents out and maybe you’d even live with a relative for a while.

in another post you said something like you can’t believe you have to live the rest of your life like this.
you don’t. you have to tell someone. unless you can research how to deal with parents that are extremely aggressive and abusive

@Himawari_Nohara said ^

This post is bringing tears to my eyes. I feel so sorry for you! (Btw I'm not sure if that's normal, but my parents don't do that except my dad yelling at me for making one blunder)

I agree 100% with @kipel73 . If what you're saying is true, it's an untenable situation that needs to change; You do need to tell someone about this. In the USA, I'd imagine that CPS (child protective services) would be quick to intervene in a situation like this.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably end up doing something I'd regret, like announcing that I'm giving up chess and taking up origami or knitting...